So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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