Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
