Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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