So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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