Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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