I just made out with a guy for $7.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My feet surprised me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
