If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
