My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
