I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
