it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
