after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
