yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
