if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
