Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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