I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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