he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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