dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize