The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
