Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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