I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
