I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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