she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
