Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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