ugly people sure do ruin things
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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