When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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