I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How does it feel to date your dad?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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