Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
