Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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