New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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