i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
