Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
