he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
