i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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