You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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