oh god the rape fog is back!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
