I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
