i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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