wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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