Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
