sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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