he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
