just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My penis needs a shock collar
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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