Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
