You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
