dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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