We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
