I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
