Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
