A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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