Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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