Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
