If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
