Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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