I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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