Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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