Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
