I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
