my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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