I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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