dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
