worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
