i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
