i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
