Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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