Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
