Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
