Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
