:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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