I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
