I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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