My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
