Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize