Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
