you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
