I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize